It seems to me that some people try that, like Asperger with coping mechanisms, as they can't read social hints, and try to get it right from others.
Many times I tried this very technique people seem strange, as I'm trying to go too deep to their communication. Other times seems like I'm insecure or simply "strange"...
Finally but not least, it seems to save time in the long run, but in short conversations it can be very exhausting to paraphrase things...
I understand coming across as being strange when you paraphrase. It may seem uncomfortable to those you're talking to, to have their words repeated back to them. But what will also come across is that you're trying to understand them, and that will most likely leave them feeling positive. Plus, the benefits will be noticed pretty quickly -- when you clarify what someone meant, it's more likely that you'll respond agreeably.
It can be exhausting, but it does get easier! Either you really understand the people you're interacting with well enough that you don't need to paraphrase, or you get so used to it that you don't expend any effort in doing it.
Do you have suggestions for this technique over email?
I've used this technique, but 90% of the time it tends to kill the conversation in an email thread, and I'm never certain how to reiterate to try and remind the recipient that I need their response/clarification to proceed without simply responding with "any thoughts?", or "did you get a chance to think about this?" Which seems to be construed as rude.
[Remote work related, in person conversations not possible, limited virtual meeting options.]
Email is definitely a challenge. Interesting side note -- my last company used Asana for almost all internal comms, and it worked tremendously well because you were able to assign tasks to recipients of your message, which they would have to intentionally complete to show that they have read your note. Email gets overwhelming, and you have to just assume/trust that people read it.
One thing you can do is include a note after your summary/paraphrase stating that you'll operate with your current understanding if you don't hear back from them. If it's an urgent matter that you _need_ their response on, it's totally fair to give them a nudge via email or as a separate message. Even if they construe it as rude, it doesn't matter, you're doing what you need to do to get the job done.
"Any thoughts?" or "Did you get a chance to think about this?" are totally reasonable ways to nudge someone for a response.
So you're saying that by rephrasing what people say back to them, you show that you understand, they feel heard, and you reduce miscommunication?
YES! And thank you, I feel heard and understood :).
This is an example of paraphrasing, isn't it?
haha, not quite, though it's still a clarification, which is also tremendously useful!
Hey great idea!
It seems to me that some people try that, like Asperger with coping mechanisms, as they can't read social hints, and try to get it right from others.
Many times I tried this very technique people seem strange, as I'm trying to go too deep to their communication. Other times seems like I'm insecure or simply "strange"...
Finally but not least, it seems to save time in the long run, but in short conversations it can be very exhausting to paraphrase things...
Nice article anyway.
Thank you for reading, and responding!
I understand coming across as being strange when you paraphrase. It may seem uncomfortable to those you're talking to, to have their words repeated back to them. But what will also come across is that you're trying to understand them, and that will most likely leave them feeling positive. Plus, the benefits will be noticed pretty quickly -- when you clarify what someone meant, it's more likely that you'll respond agreeably.
It can be exhausting, but it does get easier! Either you really understand the people you're interacting with well enough that you don't need to paraphrase, or you get so used to it that you don't expend any effort in doing it.
Great read!
Thank you Kushaan!
I had thought all this while that there are only 5 communication stances; I learnt the 6th one, ‘paraphrasing communication stance’.
PS: must be wondering how I got to read your post. ‘Your dear dad forwarded this to me and I read it with interest!’ (Reasonably paraphrased?)
PPS: I hope you are safe and well! ..? (The ? should make it perfectly paraphrased ...I guess)
Cheers (100% paraphrased; it cannot be said any other way).
-Raghav
Do you have suggestions for this technique over email?
I've used this technique, but 90% of the time it tends to kill the conversation in an email thread, and I'm never certain how to reiterate to try and remind the recipient that I need their response/clarification to proceed without simply responding with "any thoughts?", or "did you get a chance to think about this?" Which seems to be construed as rude.
[Remote work related, in person conversations not possible, limited virtual meeting options.]
Email is definitely a challenge. Interesting side note -- my last company used Asana for almost all internal comms, and it worked tremendously well because you were able to assign tasks to recipients of your message, which they would have to intentionally complete to show that they have read your note. Email gets overwhelming, and you have to just assume/trust that people read it.
One thing you can do is include a note after your summary/paraphrase stating that you'll operate with your current understanding if you don't hear back from them. If it's an urgent matter that you _need_ their response on, it's totally fair to give them a nudge via email or as a separate message. Even if they construe it as rude, it doesn't matter, you're doing what you need to do to get the job done.
"Any thoughts?" or "Did you get a chance to think about this?" are totally reasonable ways to nudge someone for a response.